Hey everyone,
I was thinking a lot about this today and I felt like I needed to write a bit about it. This may be an unpopular opinion of mine, or maybe many people agree with me and I've just never heard their side of the argument. But today, I wanted to talk about that ever so popular saying/belief/whatever that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. And I want to talk about what I think this is complete bullshit. Keep in mind that this is my own opinion, and perhaps I'm totally misinterpreting it.
As a young woman in the 21st century, I think I speak for many others when I say that truly loving yourself is not as easy as it sounds. We are so hell bent on believing that we are flawed, chasing this idea of what is "perfect" that we are never completely satisfied without ourselves. I think it would be very rare to find someone who can genuinely tell you that they love who they are 100%. I, like many others, are working every day to begin to love and accept themselves as they are, and this is not an easy task.
What I don't like about this saying, is that it gives off the connotation that people who do not love themselves are incapable of loving others. And once again, as a woman who does not yet love herself 100%, (but is working on it!), I can tell you that it is not true. It gives off the impression that if you aren't completely happy with who you are, you shouldn't bother trying to love anyone else romantically, and this is so so wrong. Because truly, I believe that its in my romantic relationship, in loving another, that I'm starting to love myself more as a person. Almost the reverse is true for me; loving another has helped me love myself.
Now, I'm sure that is not what the saying is intending to mean. It's likely saying that you shouldn't rely on someone else's romantic interest in you validate you as a person to yourself. And that you should not seek out another person's love to replace the love you do not have for yourself. I do agree with this. I do think that you should have a sense of self respect and understanding that you do not need romantic love to make you a lovable person.
However, in the sense of the self-esteem connotation; I do not believe that you need to love yourself before loving someone else. Yeah, you should definitely respect yourself. And you should be in a place where you can open yourself up to another and put your trust in them. But I think its okay if maybe you're still learning to accept and love yourself. I think its okay if you're still a bit insecure. Because I have learned so much from my relationship, not only about my significant other or about relationships but also about myself. I've come to accept myself a lot more. What I once saw as "flaws", I'm beginning to see as unique things that make me, me. So stop making people feel as though their love is not as valid or that they are not as capable of loving another because they are still working on loving themselves. Maybe they need that special someone to remind them of the little things that make them so lovable.
I'd like to hear what you think about this. Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments. Lets have a discussion!
xo
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